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Youth With A Condition

by Kyle West
The Unavoidable Truth Print E-mail

It’s something I don’t like to admit. It’s something I’ve tried to overcome for years. It’s something that often presents some very difficult obstacles. No matter how much I try to deny it, there is something woven into the fabric of who I am that will most likely never go away. I am a giant, socially awkward dork. (Probably thought I was going to say something else there didn’t ya?)

I have great friends, and I hope most people who know me would consider me a relatively nice guy. But there are times, (somewhat frequent times actually,) when, whether by acts of commission or omission, I do or say, or forget to do or say, something that makes me look just plain stupid. Way too often, it’s in front of people I’d rather not look stupid in front of. This happens whether I’m relating to friends, peers, or authority figures. In a moment of brutal honesty let me tell you that I probably have more of those “Ooooh, that came out wrong,” and “Shoot, why’d I do that?” moments than almost any other human being on the planet. The people I most want to impress and treat right can sometimes turn me into a tongue-tied bull-in-a-china-shop-esque nervous wreck.

One particular incidence of my striking awkwardness comes to mind as a good example. Several years ago, my parents and I had the honor of being invited to a dinner at a local five-star hotel for major Focus on the Family donors. Immediately following dinner with all these wealthy dignitaries, I was feeling pretty puffed up. My fancy dress pants, however, had not been fitting well all night (I suppose you could say I was, ahem, a little too big for my britches.) As we were standing on the curb a few yards from the hotel, in the dark, waiting for Mom to bring the car around, my drawers dropped completely. It is, hands down, one of the most embarrassing, awkward, and darn funny moments of my life. I am, with good reason, simply a self-conscious guy sometimes.

All joking aside, though, an unhealthy self-consciousness can have ramifications far worse than my bouts of interpersonal goofiness in the life of someone with a disability. It really is tough to admit, but at times we’re painfully aware of just how people might see us. To quote a young woman with CP who appeared on a recent Focus on the Family broadcast, it is often all too easy to think about how people see our obvious disabilities and think “Is this repulsive?” We want, so desperately, to be accepted as people, but many of us, (including myself at times) worry that all people see are the outward physical deformities. We worry that this alone can be enough to push people away before they risk digging deeper. To some people, it seems as though we are a walking deformity or disability before we ever have the chance to be a human being. I want to encourage anyone who’s ever felt this way that your value does not rest in other people’s opinion. Scripture says, “How great is the love the Father has lavished upon us, that we should be called children of God.” God, your Creator, has made it an absolutely undeniable reality, something as unchangeable as gravity, that YOU ARE VALUABLE. Don’t you EVER let anyone tell you differently. Recognizing this truth is the first step for anyone to build healthy, happy relationships. It is also one of the best ways you can build up a loved one with disabilities. And hey, if afterwards you’re still a bit of a dork sometimes, just know you’re not alone.
 
The Certainty of Uncertainty? Print E-mail

This being the 4th of July season, I, along with many people around the country, have been thinking a lot about the history behind our independence and the men who made it possible. These were truly great individuals, living at a truly great time. They stood up to proclaim the right of all men to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness under a government that would respect and promote those rights, leaving its people as free as possible to seek the goodness of God and the comforts of prosperity.

Thinking about their accomplishments,  however, I was surprised to realize how many terrifying unknowns these people must have faced. They were, on the basis of deeply felt personal convictions and not much else, going up against the greatest superpower of the age, with the largest, best trained, and best equipped army and navy of the age. Not only were the Founding Fathers strapped for resources, (in contrast to the British, we had no navy, no regular army, and no money), but their political ideas had never before been tested on the scale they imagined, and were in direct opposition to the beliefs of most of the civilized world. Even the British, DANGEROUSLY libertarian and republican by European standards, had never taken the ideals of liberty and self-government under God as far as the Founders envisioned. The Founding Fathers, however, in the face of all the unknowns, turned to Someone they knew they could rely on. Jefferson articulated this faith in the final sentence of the Declaration of Independence. “And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.”

Our Founders, even supposed Deists like Jefferson, knew what they were up against. They knew that, in the eyes of the world, sheer firepower made their cause hopeless. But they believed that their fight for liberty had a basis in more than just recent philosophy. They were men of the Scriptures, who believed that they found in God's Word the original, divine proclamation that all men were created in His image, and therefore entitled to freedom and dignity. They were willing to stake everything on those ideals because they relied on the God who is their ultimate source, and who would give them strength to defend the right, no matter what the odds.

In many ways, albeit on a smaller scale, we all experience this kind of uncertainty. For the disabled, it can be particularly intense. As I'm preparing to head off to college, I know and my parents know how tough this anxiety can be. Will I be able to overcome basic physical challenges? Will I make friends? Will I be able to function in the classroom? People with unique challenges face unique unknowns every day. But, in facing the unknown, we can take a cue from Paul, who reminds us that “neither height nor depth...nor angels nor demons...nor anything else in all Creation, shall be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ our Lord.” If we rely on this promise as much as the Founding Fathers did, we have nothing to fear.
 
The Dali Lama, Tiny Tim, and Me Print E-mail

In the next couple of days, (Wednesday and Thursday of this week), Dad and I will be listening excitedly as we appear on Dr. James Dobson’s new national radio show Family Talk. The broadcast will partially recap a moment eleven years ago when I was blessed to see God work in my life in amazing ways. He took a conversation between Dr. Dobson and a star-struck, disabled seven- year-old boy, and decided to touch many people’s lives in a way I am still amazed and humbled at. Hopefully, seeing God work through my weakness will encourage those living with a disability that God can and will use them in unbelievable ways. We will also be adding to the original broadcast, talking about the struggles and victories of the disabled and their parents and how God’s people can help support this too-often-neglected segment of the Church.

It has been such a huge blessing, (and, let me tell you, it has very little if anything to do with me), to be allowed to encourage people in such a unique and unexpected way. God’s grace and plan for my life have taken me to incredible places, and had me doing incredible things. Along the way, though, it’s often been interesting dealing with the unique situation these experiences have created for me. Anyone who knows me well will tell you I can be a little too interested in being the center of attention, and there have been times when God’s gift of a little bit more than my allotted fifteen minutes of fame hasn’t exactly done wonders for my humility. Fortunately, our Heavenly Father has plenty of (sometimes, in retrospect, really funny) ways of setting us straight when we start thinking too much of ourselves. All the same, it can get uncomfortable when people identify you as “Kyle West from the radio” and then launch into a 20 minute discourse about how wonderful and spiritual you are. More than once, when something like this has happened, I’ve found myself smiling and nodding politely at the person, all the while thinking, “My dear sir or madam, if you knew about half of the things I struggle with BEHIND the scenes, you’d realize I’m not all that great of a role model! At best, I’m just a human being.”

Thinking about the way this makes me feel, I’ve come to the realization that this carries over into the way a lot of people treat those with disabilities. Basically, there are two extremes, what I’ll call the “Dali Lama” complex and the “Tiny Tim” complex. The “Dali Lama” complex consists of people who seem to think the disabled exist on some sort of higher plane than the rest of humanity. Don’t get me wrong; everyone, including the disabled, enjoys an encouraging “attaboy” every now and again. It’s when people take this too far, when all someone can talk about is how much we’ve “overcome,” how “courageous” we are, and looks to us as some sort of mountaintop example of Godliness and perseverance ALL THE TIME, that it becomes unhealthy. There’s no radiant glow coming off our faces. Have the disabled been given some unique opportunities and challenges by God? Yes, but we struggle with the same highs and lows, the same questions and answers, and the same shortfalls as everyone; we are imperfect, works in progress of God, and we want to be able to relate honestly with people who recognize that, and love us for who we are.

At the other end of the scale, the “Tiny Tim” crowd looks at the disabled from the opposite extreme. These people mean well, but they always assume the absolute minimum from us, looking at us as something to be pitied and condescended to instead of as human beings. But, as children of God, we all have special talents, unique personalities, hopes, and dreams. When it comes down to it, the best thing you can do for a loved one with a disability is to treat them as a human being. Don’t expect from them what only God can provide, but don’t be afraid to expect God to make them into something wonderful. They’ll appreciate it, more than you know.
 
Welcome To My World Print E-mail

For a while now, my dad, (Bob West, founder of Need Project Inc.,) has suggested that I launch a blog on his website. He knows me too well. I probably enjoy any opportunity to offer my opinion a little too much, (ok, way too much.) Dad felt, however, that as a young man living with my own disabilities, I might have some unique perspectives to offer to those who need encouragement.

So, I’ve given in, and will be updating this new blog as time permits with some of my thoughts on disability, faith, and just surviving the crazy ups and downs of life as a family and as a young man. I hope that I can offer a take on some things you may not have considered before; most of all, I hope I can convince you that, although living with a disability, either as an individual or as a family member, is full of challenges, God, in his grace, suffuses every circumstance with hope. Sometimes, we just need someone to come along side us, to help us discover where His plan is pointing. At times, those with a disability find themselves wondering, “How can God use me, in the midst of my circumstance?” Understandably, their loved ones also wonder “What can God make of a circumstance like ours?” Often, things seem aimless, without a light at the end of the tunnel. But, (praise God), as one of my heroes Rev. David Ring likes to say, “God never says oops.” He still keeps his hand on his children, in every circumstance we can imagine.

As a young man with a disability, I have been blessed to see God work in my life in ways I never could have imagined. Ironically, and beautifully, many of those things could never have come about if I had not been exactly who I am, disability and all. For example, I get the chance to write this blog, encouraging others who face challenges like mine. God’s plan for every person is unique. Your loved one with a disability will touch the lives around them in their own way. But everyone, no matter what their disability, has something to offer. I hope I can help you to see that, from a point of view you may not have had before.